2 days ago I made two pick ups... one was a brand new leather coat.

The other was a dead man in my brand-new leather coat.


So the day before yesterday, I'm sitting around with my rude boy Tim, just smoking weed and playing FIFA 2011 (cuz apparently real Jamaicans prefer futbol to NBA2K11, let him tell it). He gets a call. The caller, a funeral home director, needs "hands". We have 4....and backs! Yippee! Next thing I know we're lifting a 6'2'', 300lb., 2-days-dead guy out of his apartment bed, onto a stretcher, and covering him with the a black tarp-thingy. Took at least 20 minutes. Tetris is easier when the blocks are smaller and aren't making the "Damn, I'm super dead." face at you.


Surreal.


Ask me what I saw! psssh... NOTHING AT ALL!


I mean, you see it all, but if you're smart you just daydream it all away. It all passes in front of your eyes, but you don't watch it, you know?  You focus on as small of a field of vision as you can. All I saw were arms, legs, and hips...not the WHOLE person, just his parts. FYI: Dead weight is serious business. Lifting all 216 human bones can be relatively heavy way before you account for how much belly is weighing that pelvis to the bed.This is what you'd most likely think about in between wondering if he died of some infectious disease that's now all over your new coat.. At least I did. So what I noticed, aside from how huge this man was, was that his skin had started to decomp under his arm and would slide right off if you did the little rap DJ *errit* errit* thing one good time. Yo, his dead toe touched the inside of my leathers too

The good news, homie kept his bowels AND his meat didn't fall out his loose fitting boxer briefs when we moved him


So anyway, into the back of the funeral home we go...

You know what's back there? HELLY dead people. And in some cases, fragments of dead people stitched to "place holders".  ( <-- that was what the funeral home director attempted to show me to gross me out. I guess he's never been to r*tt*n.com. I was breezy.. ). I may have even seen Emmit Till. Not sure.

So that was the trial run.. I'm "on call 24/7 now. It's supposed to be like a probationary thing. I do a few body moves ad I get to move on up and into the business I guess....So excuse me if my next single sounds like some Brother Lynch Hung #++!.. 


So that's it. Had to share it.  Very cool story indeed, but I'm not your bro. Peace